"Get thee a good husband,
and use him as he uses thee"
All's Well That Ends Well
Act I - Scene i
Our oldest is going through the "love and marriage" phase. 
It is difficult to know how to advise an 18 year old about anything, least of all about love and marriage. Even if I could peel back the years and remember what would helped me most at that age (not that a guy at 19 has any sense of marriage).
This is more than a good old fashioned generation gap. Even if I could remember, how could the experiences of an 18 year old guy in London, England possibly compare or even matter to another gender of another generation in another continent in completely new century?
I gave my daughter the only advice that I could. My wife and I sat in a restaurant next to a beautful lake in Switzerland, two days after our public vows. Far, far away from anyone we have ever known, we looked into each others eyes and made five sacred vows to each other.
My marriage has stood on the rock of five sacred principles for over 18 years.
Our body is one. We live through each others senses, share in each others pain and pleasure be it a toothache or the ecstacy of each others touch. Ten thousands miles may stand between us but nowhere, nothing and no one will ever substitute or sever our physical union.
Our heart is one. The only truth that matters is the one we experience in each others heart.
Our mind is one. We think and see the world completely differently. Each and every passing day we discover something new about ourselves through each others eyes.
Our family is one. Marriage (even a so called "love marriage") is only complete when two tribes become one.
Our soul is one. Our physical, emotional, cognitive and social promises dance on an eternal plane that swallows our shallow imagination and soars through the feeble bounds of death and beyond.
Love gets mushed into romantic ideals and the triviality of socially calandared events (commercially dependant anniversaries, valentines, birthdays...) where material gifts are exchanged. These shows of love are are as far removed from an authentic marriage as night is from day.
Only one gift matters, being true to each other. The rest is so much shows of fashion, a hollow surrogate to the truth of the matter.
There is a much confusion over the question of 'arranged' vs. 'love' marriage. This is because we are being taught to use terms that are borrowed from a western diction and mindset that does not apply to other cultures. So much is lost in translation.
All marriages are 'arranged' by circumstance and by the people around us in one fashion or another.
The real question should not be love vs. arrnaged, but rather - "is this a marriage between two individuals or two families?" I know of so called 'arranged' marriages where only two individuals got married, I also know of so called love marriages where two tribes became one.
We change every seven years (plus-minus 2), weaving a continously renewing relationship year after year. Marriage is more than a promise, it is the union of two souls into one. As we traverse through various stages of life, be they innocent lovers, the ignorance of parenthood, the tender steps of becoming in laws, learning to be grand parents and finally, the inevitable widow/widowership, each of these platforms represent different marriages in one.
I can only hope that my daughter finds a love with whom she can carve out a unique set of principles that allow them to discover the kind of joy that I have through my beautiful trouble and strife!
"If men could be contented to be what they are,
there were no fear in marriage."
All's Well That Ends Well
Act I - Scene iii
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