"Look, and thou shalt see...
Seal up the mouth of outrage for a while,
Till we can clear these ambiguities,
And know their spring, their head, their true descent;
And then will I be general of your woes,
And lead you even to death: meantime forbear,
And let mischance be slave to patience.
Bring forth the parties of suspicion"
Romeo and Juliet (Act V, Scene iii)
Tolerance for ambiguity hardly a new subject, each passing year there is an increased focus on its implications and importance in our modern world.
Ambiguity is a good word for an age when an uninvited microbe that knows no borders or security patrol is more likely to paralyze and destroy us than the massive hoards of invisible terrorists that grace our news reports every night.
Ambiguity is the essence of the the first half decade of this daring new century,. This is what we inherit from all those hopeful new millenium celebrations five years ago.
I had my own run in with ambiguity today. I was leading a meeting with a group of colleagues. As the meeting progressed, a distrubing pattern emerged, everyone in the room save one person was open to exploring new avenues of thinking. The one person who was hiding inside their certainty was the one I least expected to explore the possibilities hidden in the unknown (future)
My friend smiled and participated, happily (on the surface), but gradually, as the dialogue dug below the daily grind, as we surfaced fresh skin in the game, she refused to play. She clung on tight to the things that worked for her in the past. Every question or issue had to be linked to the path she had taken in the past. Every question was answered with "well, this is how i do it".
Even when I pointed out that we needed to play, escape the 'reality' that we were tied to, she could not let go even when she had become aware of her own behaviour. Fear had gripped her but fear is a symptom, the root cause here was identity, certainty, anti-ambiguity.
Outwardly she was smilin and laughing, Was the optimism, confidence and merely a show of bravado to fulfil the demands of her social persona?
Then I began to examine my own judgements. Could I be open to accept the new person in this new light? How willing was I to reconstruct my own hardened opinion of this situation>
I left the meeting wondering about my ability to suspend my own assumptions. To be emotionally neutral. To surface my own assumptions. Was my judgement of her defensiveness itself a way of creating certainty? Was i doing the very thing I was accusing her of? Why was I so eager to 'explain' why this fellow human being was doing what she was doing? Was this my sanctuary from the reality that we cannot ever possibly know or feel the need to know what others are thinking and feeling.
I took my own medicine today and woke up, the work I did on me today will serve me many months or years to come, if I remember to treat ambiguity as my friend, not a tool to fix other people's issues, but a wake up call to attend to my own.
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