Kashmir's Shak

Patience To Fury

"I do oppose   
My patience to his fury, and am arm’d   
To suffer with a quietness of spirit   
The very tyranny and rage of his"
Merchant of Venice (Act IV, Scene I)

Why do we get upset or embarrassed? How do we get off balance? Where does ANGER come from?

Passion is natural outflow of the spirit or soul. There is nothing wrong with passion. A passionless life is a living death. Here lies the challenge. Firstly, when we are confronted with a clear and present danger - how do we handle it? Secondly, once we have learned how to ride this raging bull, how do we channel its energy to a constructive end, to a clear and present purpose?

When anger spills out of our eyes, mouth and fists, when it overflows and contaminates every one we touch, it is not a pretty sight. I have done this exercise many times. Asked people to draw their face - when it is angry. At first people are amused, but the pictures they draw tell a deeper story. First that we all 'lose our rag' at some time or other. Second that we tend to look pretty ugly when we do.

What causes this ugliness to occur? How do we get enbroiled in the storm of our own making?

The cop out is to say "he or she made me angry". Blaming others for our mood and response is the easy way out (and guarantee that the ugliness will return).

When we fail to take accountability for our feelings and actions, we step onto the slippery slope. The minute we externalize and blame others for making us "feel this way", we have unwittingly become the slave of our emotional fears.

Humour and humility are the potent remedy to such foolishness. The goal is to avoid falling in the pit of self pity and despair in the first place. Anger is the violent face of fear. We only get angry when we feel we have lost control or are afraid of what is going to happen. Anger is the knee jerk reaction, the short cut for getting things back in place.

Anger is like fire, a fuel that just ran out of control. There is nothing wrong with fire, it heats our homes and cooks our food. The same is true for passion, when it over flows, it eats everyone and everything in its path.

The fuel is not bad, but our ability to channel and focus it is.  Next time you want to busrt a gut - take out a piece of paper, look in the mirror and draw what you see. The picture you draw is what fear looks like. Don't judge it. be patient with your response, take a deep breath, go for a walk, change the enviroment, but get to the painful root of your fear or it will burn you up again and again. Once you are ready, move this magnificient energy (passion) into a place where it can make a difference.

"Oh! that you could turn your eyes
towards the napes of your necks,
and make but an interior survey of
your good selves"
Coriolanus  (Act II, Scene I)

Lie Flattered

"When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue;
On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust,
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told.
Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered be".
Sonnet CXXXVIII (138)

When we named our company "True North" we thought it would be cool to work with leaders in organizations around the principle of pushing aside the noise and nonsense that crowds their day and get to the truth. This is easier said than done.

The Jack Nicholson line  "You can't handle the truth" in A Few Good Men has become one of those legendary ones liners in movie history. He delivers it in a way that only Ol' Jack can, but these five words also pluck a chord deep in our hearts.

Truth giving and receiving cannot be taught, only acquired through bitter and beautiful experiences. Forgiveness is the stomach for truth. Trust is the heart of truth. Without trust, truth is a poison. With trust, truth is a medicine.

There are people who confront me with the truth straight up. My mood always adjusts in their presence. I dive into a deep listening mode. I hang on their ever word, sans evidence or rationale. I am hungry for their love.

When they pay me a compliment, it grounds me. When they open up a deep wound I love them even more for the pain that prompts the awakening.

They whisper a few chosen words, use humour to knock me sideways, scream so hard that it rattles my brain, or without a word, they look right through me with honest eyes. These 'moments of truth' are the moments I am alive.

There are otheres who can deliver the self same truth but my readiness is all. I need to be in the right space, time and mood. I weight the evidence. Sift through a compliment to find out what they want?

There are interactions (more like interruption's) where we put our life on hold, trot out small talk, dance for fear of stepping on each others toes. Gossip shamelessly about common foes, scoff at fools and lie skin deep in each other's flattery. It is hard work filling an afternoon with so many words and nothing to say.

There are people who put me in a instant foul mood. As they gasp for air and I grasp for the exit. There is a history or a chemisty that locks us forever apart. Perhaps I trusted them or they me, and in a moment of weaknesses we betrayed each others trust? Perhaps our prejudices rob us blind? Or, perhaps we are just not meant to mix?

"Where is truth, if there be no self-trust?   
When shall he think to find a stranger just,   
When he himself himself confounds, betrays
To slanderous tongues and wretched hateful days?"
The Rape of Lucrece (Act V, Scene I)

Our ability to give feedback mirrors our ability to receive it. There are people to whom I can deliver the unvarnished truth, in less than a gesture, silence is more than enough.

There are those awkward meetings. The minute the truth surfaces, they make their just excuse, blame, rationalize, neutralize or externalize and or even use their sling their fear to project their flaws right back at me. This is when my mettle is put to the test. This is the moment of truth - I need to be the model listener, open up a dialogue without allowing it to degrade into compromise (a lose-lose negotiation).

Then there are those tough conversations. I spend as much time conditioning and preparing myself, as the person on the receiving end will need to grapple with and recover from their bout with truth. When the ordeal is over, it has changed me as much as the person receiving the truth.

Of course there are days, when I want nothing to do with the truth. I long to wallow in small talk, junk food for the mind. Leave the field of truth fallow for a while. It will always be there waiting for my return.

The great theatre and movie Director, David Mamet said it best "Always tell the truth, it is the easiest thing to remember" - he is quite right.

The trouble is that it is also the hardest thing to give and take! Think for a minute. R U TRUE?

"Not from the stars do I my judgment pluck;
And yet methinks I have astronomy,
But not to tell of good or evil luck,
Of plagues, of dearths, or seasons' quality;
Nor can I fortune to brief minutes tell,
Pointing to each his thunder, rain and wind,
Or say with princes if it shall go well,
By oft predict that I in heaven find:
But from thine eyes my knowledge I derive,
And, constant stars, in them I read such art
As truth and beauty shall together thrive,
If from thyself to store thou wouldst convert;
Or else of thee this I prognosticate:
Thy end is truth's and beauty's doom and date"
Sonnet IXV (14)

Know The True Minute

Three vital steps make up the difference between just another meeting and a life changing experience.

The moment of truth, in a great meeting, in even a single true minute or a single question can be a life changing event. A thousand deaths (wars, famine, terrorism), change nothing, then a single word, does the trick. There is an eternity in one minute. That is all it takes, to turn it all around. the thin slices that define and defy a lifetime of hurt and harmony. Go figure?

The single biggest mistake people make when they run meetings is that they are too lax (re-laxed) before the event, hold on too tight during the event and then let go of the session once people file out of the room. This is why so much time and potential is wasted. Meetings are not what happens in the room, that is only part of it. What happens going in and following define the meeting. Define the team. Define your contribution as a facilitator.

1. DESIGN: LET GO QUICK - HOLD ON TIGHT: Be the consumate engineer. Learn from the previous event(s). Let go of old assumptions and solutions, focus on the needs and objectives. Every meeting and encounter is unique. Listen deeply and prepare the agenda, objectives, materials and reminders - with everything in the bag and out of the door with at least 3 days in hand.

Engage at least 3 protagonists and ensure the meeting theirs, not yours. Establish their stake in the event before the meeting even begins. Never underestimate the preparation time and effort. This is the real work. Pace the agenda based on their readiness, surface barriers and distractions, anticipate tangets and missed turnings. Work it before the meeting so you don't have to work it during the event.

A great meeting is over before it begins. It all comes down to a simple divine focus is the mastery of design. A pro. leaves nothing for chance, so they can tap into the deep well of luck and chance when it makes its casual arrival. Positioning and readiness is all.

2. HUMILITY: Be the consumate saint. LET GO: Arrive early, visualize the readiness and flow of the participants.  Breath and distance youself from the work so that you are in the moment without clinging or desire. Lose your voice, prepared to learn through them.Relax, breath, realize, always remember "whose meeting is this?" Slow down the pace, allow the noise settle to ensure everyone is in the same place, at the same time, focused on how they are going to win.

Be willfully humble! Create the space for every individual to find their voice, their unique contribution to the greater sum. Move through the all the phases, moods and many colours of discovery. If the design is focused, there is always going to be plenty of space to pace the journey and ensure they connect through each other, discover what cannot be planned,the truth that is tucked away between them.

Leave enough time for commitments to be formulated and announced (specific dates/actions/names). Never compromise the close or leave it to the last minute rush. Bring the whole trip in for a smooth landing. Close with grace and gratitude. A shared vision of the third and final step, into the 'where are we to go' not into the 'way to - he-go'.

3. EXECUTION:  HOLD ON TIGHT - LET GO QUICK: Be the consumate engineer. The true measure of a meeting is here. In - action says it all. Track the impact and follow through plans like a blood hungry hound, not for the glory, but to ensure you preserve the integrity of the process and the people in it. Help the sponsor maintain focus in the midst of 100 distractions (the next meeting), ensure he or she support and challenge the participants, re-engage them in the 'moment' to do what they committed to do. Repetition reveals the new habits. This is their MOMENT OF TRUTH!

After all is said and done, sit back and reflect. Consider how the next event is going to be even greater. These simple but fun-da-mental rules are the ones that make the difference. At this stage of my career i can 'wing' just about any event. In the end, only they (the participants) can make a great one. Theses are the three stages of group awakening. There is not big secret, just lots of hard graft, work, faith and focus. That is how you discover eternity in a the space of one minute.

His honour, clock to itself, knew the
true minute when exception bid him speak,
and at this time his tongue obey’d his hand:
who were below him he us’d as creatures of
another place, and bow’d his eminent top to
their low ranks, making them proud of his humility,   
In their poor praise he humbled.
Such a man might be a copy to
these younger times, which, follow’d well,
would demonstrate them now   
But goers backward.
All’s Well that Ends Well (Act I, Scene ii)

Passion Slaves

Nay, do not think I flatter;
For what advancement may I hope from thee,   
That no revenue hast but thy good spirits   
To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter’d?   
No; let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee   
Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?   
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice   
And could of men distinguish, her election
Hath seal’d thee for herself; for thou hast been   
As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing,   
A man that fortune’s buffets and rewards   
Hast ta’en with equal thanks; and bless’d are those
Whose blood and judgment are so well comingled   
That they are not a pipe for fortune’s finger   
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man   
That is not passion’s slave, and I will wear him
In my heart’s core, ay, in my heart of heart,   
As I do thee.
HAMLET (Act III, Scene ii)

I sat at a Starbucks making small talk with a friend yesterday, we talked about the usual nothingness, then for no apparent reason I asked her "are you happy" - she got stuck in her tracks. What did I mean? Physically? Socially? Professionally? Economically or... Personally? When you tie all these together, and they are all rooted in one and the same core element, was the outcome a positive? Was her life average, good or great?

She said "yes" with her mouth, but her eyes belied this answer. She was only flattering herself, but for no apparent reason. We have known each other for over a decade, we have both grown in that period and know each others flaws and fortunes.

None of us are 'passsions slave' - well certainly not by nature, not intentionally. As with any other form of slavery, the physical battle precedes the mental and emotional. How we sit, walk, sleep, breath, affects how we feel and this in turn determines the capacity of how we think, relate and create.

We become passion's slaves, the minute we are convinced by the the sweet tongue of our own flattery. As we smooth over the wrinkles  for others, we talk ourselves into a self justified numbness. We find it hard to acknoweldge it, but once we open that heavy door, we are free to walk out and do what we need to do with our lives.

My friend was chattering and after ten minutes, she stopped and I asked the same question but in a more cycnical tone - "so, I take it, that is a yes - you are happy, phew - that's the longest yes I ever heard?" - That is not strictly true, I have heard much longer winded nothings.

Suddently the tune changed, the guts started to spill out, it got messy, nasty, smelly and awkward at first, but as the flow poked out in batches of self reflection, followed on his heels by unbridled remorse, followed in turn by painful relief. She now began to answer the question without the self flattery, the social pretense "yes I'm fine how are you".

She was not happy, she was lonely, physically ill, scared, her career was stalled and she did not know who to trust. She was scared, but in the brief span of our conversation, she was happy. That is because she was no longer held randsome by some folly of social convention, by admitting she was not happy (in a positive way), she was free to do something about it.

She was ever so briefly free of being the slave of convention and no longer at the mercy of flattery and saving face. We carry this burden around our backs because we are not used to holding true conversations that unburden the heart of all its mockery. We use words such as friend, truth, caring, respect, trust, intimacy, integrity, but these values are cheap immitations of the real thing. We know the real thing when it wakes up inside us or a relationship, it is a heart wrenching relief.

Upon What Meat?

"Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world   
Like a Colossus; and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs, and peep about   
To find ourselves dishonourable graves.   
Men at some time are masters of their fates:   
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.   
Brutus and Cæsar: what should be in that ‘Cæsar?’   
Why should that name be sounded more than yours?   
Write them together, yours is as fair a name;
Sound them, it doth become the mouth as well;   
Weigh them, it is as heavy; conjure with ’em,   
‘Brutus’ will start a spirit as soon as ‘Cæsar.’   
Now, in the names of all the gods at once,
Upon what meat doth this our Cæsar feed,   
That he is grown so great?"
Julius Caesar (Act I, Scene ii)

When we reach the crest of any human venture, our crowning adventure, our moment of greatness and sense of fulfillment, be it a relationship, a profession or a hobby or a spiritual quest, there is an ease, an indescribably tranquility, that is palpable but undescribable. The confidence and strength of character, wholeness is all in the present moment. Greatness is not a crown but this experience of self esteem.

No one is born perfect, we draw this perfection out of our being, through our relationships with others, through the rhythms and sanctuary of the natural environment around us.

If we pour our selves into true work, we can emerge like a work of art with our own unique style and story.

But, how many of these journey’s of self discovery are actually completed in a life time? It is hard to say, but in my brief life, and although I have passed through countless of different types of work across the world, I have found few that have really reached this plane of earthly heaven?

Is it possible that some people actually pass through the beginning to the end of a one whole life span and never know what that crest of achievement feels like?

Instead, they are resigned to drown their loneliness and sorrow in bouts of self deception, anger, alcohol, television, movies, music or any one of a hundred thousand addictions that conceal the pain of not being anything in particular, not part of anything great, not being – period.

Arriving at that crest of perfection is clear and present, pure, there is no burden of judgment, the firmness of the will is light but enduring, what emerges out of this is called confidence.

Confidence is not something that can be manufactured or constructed, or faked. Self esteem cannot be protected or enhanced, it is the result of true work.

Self esteem is the outcome of something sacred, the dedicated effort and work put into an endeavor, it is the arrival at the apex of something great and true, whether it is a work of art (manufacturing, sport, dance, poetry, architecture, science, service, music, etc.) that inspires others to lift their spirits, the growth of a business out of nothing or a loving relationship with another human being.

Playing Holidays

"If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wish’d for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents".
Henry IV, Part One – Act I, Scene ii

To be authentic, we have to connect and be true through all our senses, physical, emotional, intellectual and environmental. Over reliance on any one centre is unhealthy, results in disharmony and dis-ease.

Connecting to the sacred requires a paradox of action and reflection, experience and meditation, physical exercise and stillness, by zooming in and out, inside and outside our self till it no longer bears any resemblance and therefore not longer holds any power over us.

This is why sanctuaries (such as this on-line cave) are so necessary. We need masters to lift us out of our toxic states and we need sanctuaries to root us back into a terra firma – rooted in reality.

The word ‘sanctuary’ or to ‘sanctify’ comes from the Latin sanctus, which means holy or whole. Holidays are the day we dedicate to being ‘whole’ again, connecting our mind, body, emotions and environment into one complete being. That is why we go with loved ones to the relax to the rhythms of the sea or the mountains.

Some people are not happy to return to work from their vacation. Some experience that momentary dread of going "back to work". When the day arrives they slip gently back into the coma of daily routine. One reason why people do not want to go back to 'work' is that they are stepping back into a place that is not whole, not full-filling, a space that is fragmented into inhuman, senselessly logical functions, disconnected from the sum totality of a true experience. Work places are full of fear, not life. These are hardly sanctuaries where people reconnect with themselves, but the total opposite, they are places where people are deconstructed and dehumanized! So much for so much 'progress'.

Sactuaries are not places to hide, they are places where we can discover ourselves, find our balance, our roots, our dreams, step out of the noise and reconnect with our life.

This is not necessarily true for everyone, but for many people hoidays are vacations. This is when they can 'vacate' all their thinking, spend hard earned money to pour out their frustations, to 'escape' the emptiness of their work.

For some people, this 'maintenance' of their mechanical life has become work in itself. Vacations have become as much work to organize, run and complete as "the work" they are attempting to escape from.

A vacation n this sense is not about renewal, it is about burying the truth, hiding from the misery of their life at "work" - taking a 'break' from the monotony of a souless life.

Whole systems thinking has made it's rounds, so has holistic health, so has mind-body (emotional intelligence) connections, but have we really done anything real to create whole-i-days both on vacation and at work? Who said work has to be so souless? Disconnected? Painfully numb?

Some people use their trip to the temple, church, cinema, shopping mall, sports arena, pub, mosque, synagogue or other modern sanctuary to rediscover their wholeness. That is great, but what about making work iself an interuption? Making work a whole-i-day? So that we can enjoy BOTH our time away from work AND out time in work. In other words, to be revived at work allows more of us to be around when we are not at work! The two are connnected. How can we enjoy our vacations and holiday's if we are exhausted when we enter them?

Can we break the monotony of mindless activity whilst we are still at work? Make each day an adventure? An opportunity to discover something about ourselves, so that when we do go on vacation, it is not to empty the work, but discover something ELSE in our lives that we cannot find in our work!

Is there a way of creating this wholeness at work? Work is a calling, a deed, it is how we function and an important part of our lives. Work and life balance makes no sense to me because it implies that there is a fragmentation between work and life, as if we are not alive when we work and we are only alive when we leave to live our "life". What utter nonsense.

Work is as much part of our life as sleeping, eating, breathing and shitting. If these thing are not whole, complete, we are ill. If you think that's funny, talk to someone who suffers from crones disease, they will wipe the smile off your face. Our thinking is fragmetned, that is why we are so exhausted, running from one island to another. Perhaps we should stop. Stand still and weave our lives back together, in all its beautiful colours, both at work, at home and on vacation!

Laugh - please do, but here is our vision - that people can actually reconnect the fragmented elements of their life and being (mind, heart, body and environment) at their place of work! This does not mean work is the only thing they live for, but that they are alive when they are their work. Fully present, whole, connected and alive.

This includes the work they have to do in their homes, which is where our most divine work of all is done, through the ones we love!

I really don't care what people do on vacation or their holiday's, but my work is to ensure they are so fresh when they go on vacation that it can be REAL.

This is what our business, our work - at True North is all about. Our work (mission) is to breath life back into other people's working lives. We want to go beyond ‘consulting’ to invocating and calling people to a higher purpose at work.

We focus on words such as "meaning', "fulfillment" and "life" - words that people often fear and avoid. These are experiences that people bury in avoidance (busy-ness not business) and sarcasm. Our work is to help people pull these precious words out of the bullshit and put them fearlessly on the table.

Our goal is to help people create a lean environment where every day, every action, every relationship, every conversation and every new experience is alive, is an interuption, a surprise. Every day at work should be an opportunity learn and grow otherwise it is a life of living out so many lies and that is exhausting, that is why vacations become so important, but that doesn't make it right!

Every moment at work should be a moment of truth. As Robert Zimmerman once sang "He not busy being born is busy dying" - think about your work, are you busy being born or dying? There is no inbetween, in nature if you are not growing you are dying and when you are growing a part of you is dying, that is truth.

Sounds abstract, absurd, unrealistic? Absolutely! We want to reach beyond the safe mechanical bounds of traditional consulting and formula driven change management, get our hands into the mucky much, that organic and messy, unpredictable, illogical human of all experiences, called life. Life at work balance is the new mantra. You are entitled to be alive when you are doing your work! It is your god given right to have the lights on for the majority of your waking days (not daze)!

Our goal to enable leaders to create work that is a sanctus, a place where people are able to connect with each other (through suppliers, colleagues, customers, owners) a space where they discover themselves through "rare accidents", each and every single precious day. A place where they can afford to be vulnerable, inspiring, inspired, courageous, authentic, connected, whole and true.

Life is one indivisable whole. You can only fragment it in your head, not in reality. If our work is one form of sactuary, then holidays are another sanctuary to be enjoyed.

Holidays should not be weeks we 'spend' to recharge ourselves for work, refuel for the next bout of 'work'. Holiday's are not brief snatches of 'life' pulled from the deathly fire of work, but an extension of our life in new spaces and places.

If our place of employment is one canvas, our vacation is another, both are telling the story of our lives, neither is more important than the other, they are both connected, even if they are done in different places.